March 13, 2016

Accidental Love (2015)

An ungodly number of famous people

I literally don't understand Jessica Biel's career. Actors in Hollywood are generally either attractive or a good actor. Or at the very least, related to someone already famous in Hollywood (cough, cough, Emma Roberts). So I ask, how has Jessica Biel managed to sustain a semblance of a career for this long? Sure, everything she's in is terrible (have you ever actually sat through an episode of 7th Heaven?!?), but she still keeps getting cast in things! How? Why? Is this some kind of conspiracy?

So you might be wondering why I chose to watch this movie in the first place. The answer? I was home alone, on a Saturday night, and too tired to search through my free OnDemand movies for something halfway decent. I thought this could be a fun, brainless movie I could mock endlessly later on.

I actually feel so sad for having watched this movie I almost can't bring myself to mock it. Knowing I spent 100 minutes watching this travesty makes me depressed about my life choices, the movie making process, and anything else hyperbolic enough to get the message across that this movie is not to be watched under any circumstance.

Jessica Biel aside, how did this movie get made? This is worse than TV movie standards. It has no drama, no comedy, no acting, no script, no anything. It's as if they just took a bunch of famous and semi-famous people and stuck them on a movie set together, giving them only a general ridiculous premise of a plot. What. The. Fuck. It's movies like this that make actual scriptwriters want to burn something in anger because this movie was made.

Now excuse me while I attempt to drown myself in my own tears to forget anything and everything I just watched.

Final word: I actually lost respect for every single person involved in this project. Except Jessica Biel. I had no respect for her in the first place.

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