October 12, 2015

Hotel Transylvania 2 (2015)

Adam Sandler + posse, Selena Gomez, Andy Samberg, Steve Buscemi

As a friend told me after hearing I paid to watch this movie, "If you watched [the first one] and went for a second helping, it serves you right." But I didn't watch the first one! And the first one was nominated for an Oscar! Doesn't that mean something? Sure, so was this movie, leading me to believe basically any semi-successful animated movie gets nominated for an Oscar, but...straws...grasping...

So yes, I watched this. I paid money. Theater money. It's hard to pinpoint what exactly made it so disappointing. Shockingly, it wasn't Adam Sandler's weird Transylvanian accent. Except for the musical interludes (because like Jason Segal, Adam Sandler seems unable to keep himself from singing in every movie), I might not even have recognized his voice had I not already known it was him. 

Simply put, the movie is boring. It's not aggressively bad--just not enjoyable to watch. All the jokes read exactly as if a group of 40+ year old men sat together in a room and decided what kids and parents would think was funny. Because apparently kids are stupid and parents only think parenting jokes are funny. It just tries way too hard. Oh, look how hip these old guys try to be when dancing! And differences in parenting style! Hilarious! It was Parental Guidance meets Madagascar 3.

At the end of the day, I realize this is a sequel. And sequels are almost universally disappointing, but there was a lack of a single original idea or joke in this entire movie. And I'm saying that without even having seen the first one. Even the baby in this movie looks like he was copied from the annoying brothers in Brave

This movie isn't scary, it's not funny, nor is it cute. I'm not sure what purpose it serves other than for Adam Sandler to hang out with his friends and rake in money from parents who have no other options for movies to take their kids to. The only character in the movie I enjoyed was Wayne, who is voiced by Steve Buscemi. Go figure. The only real actor of the bunch. (No offense, Selena Gomez, but Spring Breakers and Monte Carlo isn't convincing anyone of your acting prowess.) 

Final word: I can't even.

Side note: The main girl's name is Mavis, and every time they say it, all I can think of is Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing. Did anyone else use that computer program as a kid?

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