September 3, 2014

Grown-Ups 2 (2013)

Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade, et al

This is the worst sequel I've ever seen.

This might possibly be the worst movie I've ever seen.

Both those thoughts crossed my mind no less than 2 minutes into watching this. And after sitting through the remaining 99 minutes of the movie, those thoughts did not change. Rather, I kept repeating "this might be the worst movie I've ever seen" over and over to myself.

Here's the thing: almost half my sixth grade class last year listed this movie as their "favorite movie of all time" (the other half choosing Despicable Me 2, and the one random, inappropriate kid who chose Ted). It's not like I previously thought 11 year-olds were known for their sophisticated taste, but I figured it had to be at least mildly entertaining. But I was wrong. Oh so very wrong.

Adam Sandler has always a been a bit hit-or-miss with his movies. For every Happy Gilmore or 50 First Dates, there is a Click or Jack and Jill. Or That's My Boy. Or Little Nicky. Or The Waterboy. The point is, this movie is bad, even by Adam Sandler's own standards. And by bad, I mean horrible. And by horrible, I mean this might be the worst movie I've ever seen.

It's as if he simply assembled a list of one-liners and fart jokes and decided to make a movie by performing those jokes one after another, even though they have little to do with each other. It's a mash-up of SNL's worst skits, except it doesn't end at an excruciating 90 seconds, and is performed by famous people who I thought had higher (if only marginally) standards. I mean, Joe Dirt seems mediocre in comparison to this movie. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry almost seems like a comedic masterpiece.

Granted, I don't find toilet humor funny. Nor, would I assume, anyone who is not a five year old boy. Or a frat guy who will never actually graduated college. The only redeeming takeaway from this movie was that it confirmed my suspicions that Taylor Lautner is, in fact, a d*bag in real life. Sure, he was just acting, but can anyone really personify such a realistic portrayal of a douche-y frat guy without being a little bit of one himself? May he's just been method acting in preparation for this big role. You know, like other method actors. Daniel Day-Lewis, Joaquin Phoenix, and Taylor Lautner. *cough*

Final word: I thought last week's movie was a shoo-in for a Snarky Award. Then I watched this one.

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