June 24, 2014

7 Signs You've Watched "Frozen" Way Too Many Times

If your house is anything like mine, the fact that it's now summer has not stopped the viewing of Frozen on a constant loop. In fact, it's gotten so bad that my sister and I started betting on who can identify all the instances in which a character in the movie says the exact phrase, "Wait, what?" (Hint: it happens wayyyy more often than it should.)


As many of you know, I tried a few weeks ago to force a changing of the guard by wooing my three year old with candy and her first movie theater experience. She was decidedly unimpressed. So here we are, back to watching the same DVD over and over again in our living room until I am certain either the disc will wear through or I will be forced to throw it out the window and pretend it's lost.


In this era of Frozen madness, how do you know when you've burned yourself out and watched the movie too many damn times? I've complied a handy list of seven signs you may have crossed that line:

1. You start becoming one of those annoying people who nitpick irrelevant factual details, like the fact that Olaf re-starts a fire with just a toss of a match into the wood, despite the fact that Hans doused it with water only mere minutes before. Or the fact that this movie is supposed to be set in Scandinavia in July, yet the sky is dark at night.


2. You become so attached to the characters that you find yourself upset that your kid always insists on being Elsa and relegates you to being Sven or some other minor character no one cares about.



3. You've started critiquing the lyrics in "For the First Time in Forever," noticing the lines that serve little purpose to the theme of the song and are just there to rhyme with the previous line.



4. You've spent countless runs through the movie trying to identify the voice of Olaf before finally caving and looking it up, then wondering, 'who the hell is Josh Gad?'


5. You find yourself envious of Elsa's amazing hair and start brainstorming ideas of how to get your own hair to even remotely resemble it.


5. You've psycho-analyzed and judged the child-rearing choices of Elsa and Anna's parents and decided that really, everything is their fault. (Though those pesky trolls sure didn't help.)


6. You know all about the covert appearance of Rapunzel and Flynn Rider, rolling your eyes when people try to tell you about it like you're some kind of Frozen-watching novice.



7. You've sought out crazy internet theories to explain the gaping plot holes in the movie. And they make sense to you. 


Well, I'd better go. I hear Let It Go on in the background!

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