September 6, 2012

Stealth (2005)

Josh Lucas, Jessica Biel, Jamie Foxx



I branched out here and pulled a movie from 2005. Why? Because I heart Josh Lucas. I'm sure a lot of people don't even know who he is, but if you've ever turned to CMT, you've probably caught clips of my favorite of his movies, Sweet Home Alabama (they play it on almost constant rotation on the weekends). But beyond that, he hasn't really starred in a whole lot, so I sucked it up and watched this, despite my burning hatred for Jessica Biel.

Yes, I am going to go on a rant about how I hate her. I know this is nothing new. Every movie I watch contains either someone I love, or someone I hate (or both). But she is my least favorite actress. I feel like that's saying something. I hated her all the way back from her 7th Heaven days. (I can't link to it - my inner ethics just won't perpetrate that kind of cruelty on you) I remember calling a friend every Wednesday to watch Dawson's Creek 'together' over the phone (OMG, remember those days??) and we'd tune in early just to make fun of 7th Heaven and Jessica Biel's acting skills.

Yet...here she is. Still in movies. And thanks to Justin Timberlake, now on Broadway? Sigh. So I'll just summarize my top complaints against her:
1. She can't act. (see: Summer Catch. Actually, don't. It's terrible.)
2. She looks like a man. (And no, I'm not just being a hater here - I really think she looks manly.)
3. I'm so over Hollywood trying to pass her off as "sexy." Hollywood: here is a list of people who are actually sexy, so as to not be confused - Eva Mendes, Salma Hayek, Halle Berry, and yes, even Megan Fox (if she never opens her mouth), to name a few. Jessica Biel looks like she could have been cast in GI Jane 2.

Ok, so back to the movie. Um, well, it's terrible. This shouldn't be surprising, considering I'd never heard of it, yet contained "A-List" actors. Jamie Foxx feels like a token black person since he only gets about 10 lines and the chemistry between Josh Lucas and Jessica Biel is really forced. Then again, considering her acting skills, her lines always feel forced. But as much as I hate her, she alone couldn't have made this movie as bad as it was. No, this was a group effort between her, the writers, and the CGI people.

Final word: In the theme of sci-fi fighter pilots, it's not quite as bad as Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, but really, what is?

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